Knowing that there is someone who truly loves you is the best feeling, especially for women. But what do you do when your boyfriend or husband starts ignoring you? This article will help you understand what he is thinking when he ignores you.
What he’s thinking when he ignores you: 4 common things
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In any intimate relationship, arguments and disagreements are inevitable. These disagreements will lead to silence and contempt from your husband. But that doesn’t mean your boyfriend doesn’t love you anymore. He just ignores you.
Perhaps the first question that comes to your mind is how can I read his mind and know exactly what he is thinking if he is ignoring me? If you could read his mind, you wouldn’t have to wonder if he’s lost interest in you or hates you.
But since you can’t read his mind, you have to rely on various assumptions to get an idea of what he might be thinking when he despises you. Here are some of the most common things a man might be thinking when he’s ignoring you.
1. Common life stresses
A man is not devoid of desires and goals. So, he is probably stressed and doesn’t want to share his problems with anyone. For example, he may be facing eviction because he can’t pay his mortgage, or maybe he has an exam coming up that will define his career.
If your man has just lost his job or is about to lose his job, his mind will be preoccupied with finding another job, so he won’t be giving you as much attention as you would like.
When your man is facing a lot of stress in his life, his instinct is to run and hide. So long, playful conversations with you are the last thing on his mind. Even in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, friendship and intimacy come after physiological needs and safety.
Physiological needs include things like food, water, sex, air, sleep, etc. Security includes employment, health, resources, possessions, etc. So your man wants to feel safe before he even thinks about getting intimate with a woman. So, if you feel like your man is ignoring you, check if he is stressed.
Men also have insecurities. Unfortunately, very few men admit that they feel insecure, mainly because they don’t want to hurt their fragile egos. Sometimes a guy ignores a woman not because he is not interested in her, but because he feels inadequate for her.
If your boyfriend suddenly starts treating you with contempt, he may be afraid of intimacy with you, especially if he has been hurt by a woman before. He may also think that you are “too pretty for him” or he doesn’t believe that a woman like you can truly love a guy like him. In addition, he may be socially awkward or generally insecure around girls.
3. Work or business
If your man leads a busy lifestyle, he will have little time for your chatter and playful conversations. This type of guy is very independent and takes a lot of responsibility. That’s why he prefers solitude. When he is not talking to you, he may be thinking about important projects that are coming up or that he is currently managing.
It is very easy for such a guy to believe that everyone, including you, is as busy as he is. That way, he doesn’t see the need to call or text you every few hours. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. You just have to learn to adapt to his busy schedule.
4. Another girl
Sometimes your man will ignore you not because he is too busy with work or insecure, but because he has another woman who is not giving him anything to do. Unfortunately, this is quite harsh and painful, but it is the truth. When a man finds another woman who makes him happy, he will soon forget about the previous one. So maybe he’s just letting you know that he’s not interested in you anymore.
What if he ignores you?
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Knowing that someone you love and care about is ignoring you is frustrating as it is infuriating. It’s even more insulting when you know you’re giving him all your attention. But you should not feel hopeless. Here are some helpful things to do if you feel like your boyfriend or husband is ignoring you.
1. Let him know you don’t like it
Sometimes your boyfriend will ignore you without even realizing it, especially when he’s stressed or busy with work. So, before you conclude that he has lost interest in you, let him know how you feel and see if his behavior changes. However, don’t be too confrontational. You can use polite words like “you seem distant now – you haven’t been texting or calling very often”.
If you use accusatory words, you will become defensive, which will only make the situation worse. But don’t sound desperate either, as that can easily put him off. The idea is to let him know that he has changed.
2. Try another method of communication
If you’re used to him calling you two or three times a day, maybe you should try another form of communication, like texting or chatting. He may be too busy with work, distracted or forgot to call you. Send him a text or chat through his favorite texting app to see if he’ll respond right away.
Also, maybe he doesn’t like texting or calling during the day, especially when he’s at work. So instead of texting him or calling him after an hour, you should choose another time of the day when you know he’s not too busy with work. You can even ask him when he is free to talk.
3. Let him go
Sometimes the best way to deal with a guy who ignores you is to let him go. He may be dismissive of you because he is afraid to tell you that he is no longer interested. So instead of stressing yourself out, just let him know that you’ve noticed a change in his behavior and he’s free to leave if he’s not interested.
This will allow you to find another guy who will appreciate you and give you his full attention. If he’s not ready to leave you, this will give you a chance to talk about the situation and iron out any issues that might be pushing him away.
4. Embrace weakness
Couples often spend time trying to look calm and composed because they don’t want to get hurt. But it breeds insecurity and can easily be interpreted as indifference. Perhaps this is the reason why he suddenly began to treat you with contempt.
So just let him discover your vulnerability and maybe that will let him down. If he’s still ignoring you, it’s time to decide if you want to continue the relationship. You shouldn’t let any guy keep you waiting in limbo.
5. Be assertive from the start
Many professional relationship therapists will tell you that if you fail to be assertive with your future life partner from the beginning, you will have a hard time trying to be assertive in the future. Therefore, learn to show respect and assertiveness, expressing your concerns and wishes to a man. So, when you meet, let him know that you want him to respond.
If you prefer to be called or texted two or three times a day, make that clear from the start. This allows him to let you know when he’s ready to talk and when he’s not. That way, you can find a way to stay in touch without bothering each other.
6. Leave it for a few days
Don’t try to overcompensate for his indifference by repeatedly calling or texting him. Instead, do something else, like visiting friends or working out. This will help you take your mind off him for a few days.
If you haven’t committed to him yet, this would be a good time to go on other dates and meet new guys. You may end up realizing that he is not the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Is he ignoring you or are you being paranoid?
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As noted above, sometimes you may judge your man harshly by misinterpreting his irresponsible behavior. Before you jump to the conclusion that he’s deliberately ignoring you, it’s important to rule out the possibility of paranoia. Take your time to analyze his behavior and be objective in your reasoning.
For example, if he simply forgot to text you or reply to your message for a few hours, find out why he did it before accusing him of ignoring you. Maybe he was detained somewhere, or maybe there was an emergency and he couldn’t text you. In addition, he may be going through a difficult period in his life. If that’s the case, you need to find ways to support him without making it seem like you’re meddling in his affairs.
You also have to understand that some guys are too fun and responsive in the beginning when they try to win you over. But as the relationship becomes more settled, it becomes less responsive. It doesn’t mean he’s no longer interested in you, it just means he’s settling into a normal routine, which is a good sign.
But if you’ve talked to him about his behavior changing and he still doesn’t change or give you a good reason why he’s behaving the way he does, he may be deliberately trying to ignore you. If so, then it’s time to move on.